WHAT HAPPENED TO BUSH?

For years after his resignation no clear basis for George W. Bush's shocking action could be established. Bush's near total silence once he returned to Crawford, Texas, on September 15, 2007, and his untimely death in late 2008 ended any hope of obtaining any explanation from the “horse's mouth”. Conspiracy theories filled the void. From the right, particularly after the ascension of Hillary Clinton, came tales that Bush had been poisoned, or that he was, in fact, a sleeper liberal agent. Michelle Malkin, a conservative writer of the day, became obsessed with the idea that Bush was somehow done in by a cabal of Japanese Americans. From the left the rumours initially had Bush resigning in an attempt to restore the sagging fortunes of the Republican party. Some religious progressives opined that, indeed, Bush had had a divine visitation. Others maintained he simply could not keep up his fraud any longer and had snapped.

In 2028, with the complete neutrino-bioscan of the Bush remains, courtesy of Schlomo Bush, the then family administrator, the answer was finally definitively determined. A little noted fall off a horse on September 3, 2007, had triggered a rapidly escalating series of neural events in the poorly "wired" Bush brain. When these neural events reached critical mass they induced a delusional state which was heightened by a miniscule residue of cocaine in the president's brain, Bush's delusion, of course, was that he was a poor president who had only benefited the rich and had harmed the rest of the nation through his bellicose and ill conceived acts. By the time he resigned on September 10, 2007, Bush was fully in the grip of his delusional state and he never returned to sanity before his death on December 21, 2008. As stated by Markella McBride in BUSH: The Pride and the Sorrow (Vivid, 2055): “that he did so very much yet died believing he had done so very little is a horrible irony.”

The revelations regarding Bush's delusional state led to the passage of the fortieth amendment to the American constitution in 2033. It required a psychiatric examination by three doctors for any president, vice-president or cabinet officer attempting to resign and claiming poor performance as her reason. A similar provision was adopted in the Charter of Global Governance in 2070 (Article IV, section 126(c). Also see the Lunar Constitution, paragraph 10-001.

President Bush's sudden fall inspired countless books, films and plays (see The Bush Presidency in Verse, Song and Laughter, Michaels, The Genesis Historian, Vol. 3, 3/11/27). Perhaps the most unique artistic adaptation was "President Homer", an animated television situation comedy which ran from 2010 through the 2014 season starring Homer Simpson. The program featured an ex-president who had resigned to return to his country ranch. Although he had been a failure in the White House, President Homer resolved various semi-hilarious domestic dilemmas each week in precisely twenty-two minutes! Sadly, the program was cancelled when Simpson lost his breach of contract lawsuit with Fox TV.

THE HALLOWEEN MASSACRE

On October 25, 2007, nearly three million protesters began flooding into Washington, D.C.,and the surrounding suburbs.The Cheney response was as harsh as it was foolish. With only fifteen hundred National Guard troops and eighteen thousand Danish mercenaries to safeguard Washington, not to mention the increasingly ambivalent mood of the country, the President's plan of using his modest military force to expel the protesters from the city was an invitation to disaster.

The first skirmish broke out early on the 25th when about a thousand protesters marched down Pennsylvania Avenue. A brigade of startled Danish troops, foraging for decent cheese and pastry, met the students with a volley of rifle fire. Twenty-two students were killed; another hundred were wounded.

The relative handful of national guard troops in the city were outraged by the unprovoked attack of the Danes. Half past eleven Amereican soldiers attacked a contingent of Danes lurking outside the Smithsonian. The battle, while inconclusive, caused the entire Danish contingent to retreat to the Capitol where they had previously erected defenses.

Shocked by the violence, the protestors, too, retreated. The next morning, however, buoyed by tens of thousands new arrivals, the huge mob began marching toward the Capitol. By ten thirty the students were joined by nearly a thousand guardsmen and approximately six thousand city police officers (most of the D.C. police went out on strike when Cheney announced he was outlawing unions). Waiting for the crowd were the eighteen thousand Danes, a handful of guardsmen and perhaps three hundred policemen; the Danes were armed with light artillery, heavy machine guns, mortars, hand grenades and military rifles.

At half past eleven news of Cheney's death swept through the crowd. A carnival atmosphere soon ensued with dancing, drinking and drug use filling the rest of the day until six. At that time came the sobering news of Falwell's assumption of the presidency. Dispirited, the mob of protesters slunk back to the suburbs like a huge, wounded snake.

If Cheney had been foolish, Falwell exhibited a totally mindless faith. Early on the 27th he ordered his troops to attack the protesters, most of whom were now in Chevy Chase, Maryland (at the time he claimed he acted on direct orders from Jesus; after the fall of the USC he said he had been duped by Tom Delay). The Danes, unaware of the police and guardsmen with the protesters, sent only two thousand troops after the students. The resulting clash went poorly for the Danes. The Americans had received news of the intended attack and ambushed the Danes just north of the district boundary line. The battle was brief, bruatal and, for the Americans, invigorating.

By two o'clock the first wave of joyous protesters was back in the city and approaching the capitol. At this point the Danes panicked. When the edge of the crowd was still a quarter mile from the Danish lines the troops opened fired with fifty machines guns and artillary fire. Students fell like discarded paper dolls in the attack and the resultant rush to retreat to safety. The massacre was televised from above by the BBC which had managed somehow to get a Canadian heliocopter over the city. Although well over half the American television stations refused to carry the BBC footage, in conformity with a Cheney “request”on the 24th for the media not to ”aggravate” the situation by broadcasting any images of turmoil in the country, the images on the internet of eighteen and nineteen year old boys and girls being chopped down by machine gun fire - from foreigners - galvanized the country. At the end of the day the total casualties on the American side stood at 268 dead and over 1,400 wounded.

268 DEAD, 1,433 WOUNDED, IN HALLOWEEN MASSACRE, WASHINGTON, OCTOBER 27, 2007

THE MIRACLE ON PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE

From NEWSWEEK, 11/3/07

Where did they come from? How did it happen? They are calling it the miracle on Pennsylvania Avenue: a rag-tag battalion of Massachusetts' guardsmen too old to be sent to the middle east, together with 'Queen Hillary' (or "the Queen of Hearts", as she is now known far and wide) astride one of a dozen rusting tanks somehow recaptured the capitol and America's heart and soul! Not since the Union's victory at Gettysburg has one battle so shaped America's future. Put away your burkas, ladies...!

...hiding themseleves and their obsolete tanks in twenty tractor trailers, the Massachussets' good old boys stole down Highway 95 and surprised the hell out of our Danish friends... From the second battle of Chevy Chase to the Havarti Rout on the Hill Falwell and his dour United States for Christ were sent tumbling into the trashbin of American history. It was a day that will shine in the annals of American history until the last dog dies!


From the WASHINGTON POST, 11/3/07

JUBILIATION SWEEPS CAPITOL! FALWELL, DOBSON, DELAY ARRESTED. RESTORED CONGRESS DEMANDS HILLARY ACCEPT PRESIDENCY!! SENATOR LIEBERMAN VOWS TO HELP UNITE NATION


From the NEW YORK TIMES, 11/5/07

Once, twice the mighty crowd was frustrated, its disappointment made manifest in a cascade of echoing groans as its demand the Capitol's saviour embrace the Presidency went unanswered. As if it could will "Queen Hillary" to submit to its will, the crowd, numbered at well over one hundred thousand by the park police, surged toward the capitol building, the cries and chants and cheers rising ever louder like voices from on high. Finally, as the late fall sun cut through leaden clouds, she stepped forward, her arms raised. The throng went wild, crashing against the thin blue line in a unrestrained tsunami of joy...


From the BOSTON GLOBE, 11/6/07

HASTERT RESIGNS; HILLARY NAMED SENATE PRO TEM LEADER, WAY CLEARED FOR HER TO ASSUME WHITE HOUSE! LIEBERMAN VP SHOCKER


From the WASHINGTON POST, 11/8/07

CLINTON DECLARES AMNESTY; JAILS EMPTY OF ALL POLITICAL PRISONERS; FALLWELL CALLS PRESIDENT 'SAINT'

...Falwell announced plans to spend his remaining years rasing funds to build a shrine to Hillary Clinton in the Holyland....


From the LARRY KING LIVE phone interview with Michelle Malkin , 11/10/07

Larry King: Michelle, where are you?
Malkin: I'm not going to say, Larry, they're everywhere!
LK: Who, Michelle?
M: The Japanese, Larry; they're behind all of this, every bit of it.
LK: But why, Michelle? I don't understand...
M: It's revenge, Larry! Don't you understand? For the internment!
LK: ...What kind of president do you think Hillary will make?
M: Oh, God, Larry. It's the end. You know she eats babies? Live babies? I mean, raw, Larry, without any sauce, on a skewer...
LK: Michelle, thanks for that unique perspective. Next up: Monica Lewinski!

From the Elgin, Iowa, ECHO, 11/11/07

HARVEST SETS RECORD; ANTIQUE TRACTOR PARADE SATURDAY; TOWN DEMOCRAT RELEASED FROM JAIL