THE MIRACLE ON PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE

From NEWSWEEK, 11/3/07

Where did they come from? How did it happen? They are calling it the miracle on Pennsylvania Avenue: a rag-tag battalion of Massachusetts' guardsmen too old to be sent to the middle east, together with 'Queen Hillary' (or "the Queen of Hearts", as she is now known far and wide) astride one of a dozen rusting tanks somehow recaptured the capitol and America's heart and soul! Not since the Union's victory at Gettysburg has one battle so shaped America's future. Put away your burkas, ladies...!

...hiding themseleves and their obsolete tanks in twenty tractor trailers, the Massachussets' good old boys stole down Highway 95 and surprised the hell out of our Danish friends... From the second battle of Chevy Chase to the Havarti Rout on the Hill Falwell and his dour United States for Christ were sent tumbling into the trashbin of American history. It was a day that will shine in the annals of American history until the last dog dies!


From the WASHINGTON POST, 11/3/07

JUBILIATION SWEEPS CAPITOL! FALWELL, DOBSON, DELAY ARRESTED. RESTORED CONGRESS DEMANDS HILLARY ACCEPT PRESIDENCY!! SENATOR LIEBERMAN VOWS TO HELP UNITE NATION


From the NEW YORK TIMES, 11/5/07

Once, twice the mighty crowd was frustrated, its disappointment made manifest in a cascade of echoing groans as its demand the Capitol's saviour embrace the Presidency went unanswered. As if it could will "Queen Hillary" to submit to its will, the crowd, numbered at well over one hundred thousand by the park police, surged toward the capitol building, the cries and chants and cheers rising ever louder like voices from on high. Finally, as the late fall sun cut through leaden clouds, she stepped forward, her arms raised. The throng went wild, crashing against the thin blue line in a unrestrained tsunami of joy...


From the BOSTON GLOBE, 11/6/07

HASTERT RESIGNS; HILLARY NAMED SENATE PRO TEM LEADER, WAY CLEARED FOR HER TO ASSUME WHITE HOUSE! LIEBERMAN VP SHOCKER


From the WASHINGTON POST, 11/8/07

CLINTON DECLARES AMNESTY; JAILS EMPTY OF ALL POLITICAL PRISONERS; FALLWELL CALLS PRESIDENT 'SAINT'

...Falwell announced plans to spend his remaining years rasing funds to build a shrine to Hillary Clinton in the Holyland....


From the LARRY KING LIVE phone interview with Michelle Malkin , 11/10/07

Larry King: Michelle, where are you?
Malkin: I'm not going to say, Larry, they're everywhere!
LK: Who, Michelle?
M: The Japanese, Larry; they're behind all of this, every bit of it.
LK: But why, Michelle? I don't understand...
M: It's revenge, Larry! Don't you understand? For the internment!
LK: ...What kind of president do you think Hillary will make?
M: Oh, God, Larry. It's the end. You know she eats babies? Live babies? I mean, raw, Larry, without any sauce, on a skewer...
LK: Michelle, thanks for that unique perspective. Next up: Monica Lewinski!

From the Elgin, Iowa, ECHO, 11/11/07

HARVEST SETS RECORD; ANTIQUE TRACTOR PARADE SATURDAY; TOWN DEMOCRAT RELEASED FROM JAIL