The "Troubles" of the first and second decades of the 21st century began with the surprise resignation of George W. Bush as President of the United States on September 10, 2007. As noted by Michaels & Ellis in A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE: American Politics 2000-2020 (University of Bombay Press, 2133), the Bush resignation threw the world's one remaining superpower into a political whirlwind. In the following chapters we will examine some of the historic events of that period and contemporary reactions to Bush's resignation and the profound changes it triggered in late 2007 and 2008.
Excerpts from the Popular Media, September 4 - October 31, 2007
From the New York TIMES, 9/4/07
"The latest political poll from GALLUP/ZOGBY has Bill Frist and Hillary Clinton maintaing their leads for their respective parties' nomination for president. On the democratic side Clinton (62%) enjoys a huge lead over Warren Beatty (12%), Al Franken (10%), Al Gore (8%) and Joe Lieberman (2%). With thirty percent, Frist leads a bunched Republican field and is trailed by Jerry Falwell (21%), Jeb Bush (20%), Rudy Guiliani (13%), George H.W. Bush (10%), Neil Bush (4%) and Joe Lieberman (2%). "
From the Crawford LONESTAR ICONOCLAST, 9/4/07
BUSH FALLS FROM HORSE, THANKFULLY LANDS ON HEAD
"President Bush slid off his new farm horse, a five year old snow-white gelding named Blow, late yesterday while chasing a gopher. 'I landed on my head, so I know I'm OK,' the President laughed. Naval surgeon Leon Phelps examined the President and quickly concluded the commander-in-chief was unharmed. First Lady Laura Bush comforted her husband with a large platter of chocolate chip cookies."
From the Danbury NEWS-TIMES, 9/4/07
SENATOR LIEBERMAN OFFERS BUSH BEST WISHES, VOWS TO WORK WITH INJURED PRESIDENT TO UNITE NATION
From the NEW YORK POST , 9/4/07
From VARIETY, an entertainment weekly, 9/4/07
This Week's Top Grossing Films:
Terminator X ...........................$113million
Jesus Returns ............................102 million
Rapture Academy II .......................88 million
Kill Bill 4.....................................81 million...
From the DAILY KOS, an internet blog, 9/4/07
"Bush lands on his head? Talk about luck... But with his poll numbers in the tank and Dems just three seats from control the the House and one in the Senate, next year is gonna be SOOOO sweet. Go Hillary, baby, we can't lose!"
From OPINIONS YOU SHOULD HAVE, an internet humour blog, 9/4/07
Agents of the FBI and Secret Service continue to interrogate Blow, the horse implicated in Bush's fall. According to reliable sources, the horse continues to refuse to answer any of the agents' questions. Suspicions were heightened when it was learned early this morning that Blow had previously belonged to Ann Richards, the well known Bush critic and Democratic activist. Blow's attorneys, provided by the ACLU, claim their client is being made a scapegoat. "It isn't right. He's not a goat. He's a horse and anyone can see it."
From the INTERNATIONAL HERALD TRIBUNE, 9/9/07
"German police raided a third shabby Dresden bordello late last night in their ongoing hunt for Osama Bin Laden. Three elderly Saudis were taken into custody and a large quantity of black market Viagra was confiscated. Authorities conceded they once again found no indication Bin Laden had been in the premises."
From OPERA MAGAZINE, 9/10/07
"The Metropolitan Opera of New York announced late yesterday that Clay Aiken has agreed to assume the title role in next season's production of Verdi's OTELLO. The opera has been slightly rewritten; the Metropolitan version will feature Otello, Desdemona and Iago as contestants on an "Italian Idol" television program. The opera will premier on June 4 and run through August 12th."
From the NEW YORK TIMES, 9/11/2007
TEARFUL PRESIDENT RESIGNS, ADMITS MISTAKES
“Calling himself one of the worst presidents ever to serve, George W. Bush apologized to the nation for what he tearfully described as, 'my many, many blunders'. After citing the Iraq, Iran and Syrian wars, his judicial nominations and his attempt to reform social security as his worst mistakes, Bush announced his immediate resignation. 'I can't believe what a fool I've been! About anybody could do this job better than me.'
Dick Cheney will be sworn in a the 44th President tomorrow morning if his secret bunker and cardiologists can be located in time.
A stunned Bill Frist, the current Republican frontrunner for the party's presidential nomination, immediately attacked the 'mainstream, elitist media' for reporting the President's remarks. 'Don't they know we're at war? This will only help our enemies, the terrorists!' Frist then demanded a videotape of the President's speach.'Maybe he's just sick, real sick, and I can help him. Does he have insurance?' Campaigning in New Hampshire, a somber Hillary Clinton said, 'It's sad, very sad. I feel his pain. It takes a village to support a president; and it will take new taxes to support that village...''
Prior to his resignation Bush's approval rating had dropped to 24% according to the latest GALLUP/ZOGBY poll. 'I know now the American people aren't as stupid as me,' Bush said as he left the Rose Garden, his head bowed; 'I'm just gonna go back to Crawford and milk my horse.'”
From the DAILY KOS. Internet blog, 9/12/07
"I smell a fat rat's ass - a rat named Karl Rove. Bush resigns, then Cheney, then Speaker Hastert. Meanwhile Frist is elected Spearker ProTem and - BINGO! - he's the sitting President with a huge advantage in '08!! Bush will get a bunch of sympathy and give Frist a big boost -- all the religeeidiots will pray for him and the party... Poor Hillary. We're gonna get SWAMPED. These guys are SO evil...."
KARLCONAN O'BRIAN, Tonight (television program) host, 9/13/07
"Bush tells us he's stupid... Wow. Who knew? Personally, I think we should keep him - he's the first honest politician since a drunken Washington ratted himself out on that cherry tree thing... I think he's just upset there's no one left to invade. Hey, Mr. President, I've got just one cool word of advice: Canada! Just think of all that snow..."
From ANN COULTER, a centemporary political writer, in THE LAST AMERICAN PATRIOT REVIEW, a weekly tabloid published on 9/15/07
"This, then, is what we have come to: the greatest leader in American history since Joe McCarthy driven from office by a mindless swarm of vile, stinking, blood-sucking liberal secular humanist cockroaches, mainstream media slime and assorted multicultural treasonous toads. Cheney needs to call out the national guard and give the only possible order: let the cleansing begin."
From the bulletin of the First Church of the Holy Redeemer, Tulsa, Oklahoma, 9/15/07
"The end time is at hand. This time we are sure. We will hold a potluck "waiting for the rapture" party this Saturday at 6:00 PM in the main assembly hall. Please bring bottled water and folding chairs."
From the BOSTON GLOBE, 10/1/07
CHENEY NAMES FALWELL VP; DISSOLVES CONGRESS
"An angry President Dick Cheney dissolved both houses of congress last night after naming the Rev. Jerry Falwell as his 'acting Vice-President'.
'We cannot afford the luxury of petty political infighting in this perilous time for America, We can no longer be Democrats or Republicans - we must all be part of the same party - the Republican party,' Cheney declared during a exclusive Fox News interview. 'Our enemies may have hounded my predecessor from office, but I have just begun to fight.' Citing his well known heart problems, Cheney lauded Falwell as a 'fully qualified successor' if the need arose. 'Jerry will help me make this a faith-based government.'
Cheney said he intended to replace the House and Senate with a 'Patriot Convention'. 'We'll name one hundred dedicated patriots - a hundred good men - who can help us fight terror, pass needed laws without a lot of debate, impeach judges who won't respect America, that sort of thing.' Cheney added there would be two 'patriots' from each state except Massachusetts, California and New York, which will have none. 'I'll name one extra from Montana, Utah, Idaho, North Dakota, Wyoming and Alaska.'
At the end of his 90 minute interview, the President hinted at some changes he intends to make to the Bill of Rights. 'There are too many of them, it just confuses the American people. I plan to whittle them down to two or three.' Spokesmen for the President promised details in the coming days and assured America the most important amendment, the second, would remain."
From the Danbury NEWS-TIMES, 10/3/07
LIEBERMAN URGES CALM, VOWS TO WORK WITH NEW PRESIDENT TO UNITE NATION IN TIME OF TURMOIL
Headlines from the WALL STREET JOURNAL, 10/3/07
HALLIBURTON, EXXON, PRISON CONTRACTORS, CORSET MAKERS LEAD AS MARKET SOARS 231% IN HEAVY TRADING; MICROSOFT BUYS NEVADA
Headlines from the WASHINGTON POST, 10/16/07
HILLARY CLINTON AND PURPLE TELETUBBY MISSING; FRANCE AND GERMANY RECALL AMBASSADORS; CANADA RUSHES TROOPS TO NIAGRA FALLS, TAKES HONEYMOONERS HOSTAGE
Headlines from the SAN ANTONIO SUN, 10/19/07
CAMPUSES ACROSS NATION ERUPT; PROTESTERS BATTLE POLICE, HUNDREDS INJURED, THOUSANDS ARRESTED;STREISAND, BALDWIN, STONE, BOXER, SQUAREPANTS FLEE COUNTRY; WHERE IS HILLARY?
From WONKETTE, an internet blog, 10/21/07
"The Good News is I'm out on bail; the Bad News is my lawyer isn't. He was chairman of the DC ACLU. Go figure - he's probably in Gitmo by now. The Really Good News? I'm the first person in Washington charged with sedition since 1864..."
From VARIETY, 10/21/07
"Major movie studio executives are worried the growing political turmoil in the country may depress ticket sales this Christmas. Norm Goldman, principal producer of Baby Jesus Home Alone, a comedy scheduled for a December 12th release, is crossing his fingers and hoping things calm down. "I'd like to see democracy back, of course, I'd sacrifice my right arm, you know, but if not I hope Cheney has all this sorted out by Thanksgiving. I mean voting and free speach are great, but I've got a lot of mouths to feed."
From an editorial in the WASHINGTON TIMES, 10/21/07
"We can only stand and applaud President Cheney's bold call to excise the first, fourth, fifth, sixth and eighth amendments from our Constitution. The American nation faces deadly perils both at home and abroad. We can no longer allow our enemies, the Evil-Doers, to use the bill of rights as a shield against swift American justice and deserved retribution...
The surprising events of the past fortnight, however tragic they may have seemed, have unleashed in Dick Cheney a bold leader for our times, a true American Ceasar. We have finally crossed the Rubicon, thank God..."
From the Danbury NEWS-TIMES, 10/22/07
LIEBERMAN CHIDES CHENEY ON 'RIGHTS', BUT AGAIN VOWS TO HELP UNITE NATION
From the San Diego UNION-TRIBUNE, 10/23/07
MIGRANT WORKERS FLEE SOUTH, CROPS IMPERILED; GOVERNOR MAY DRAFT TEACHERS, NURSES TO PICK FRUIT
From the SPORTING NEWS, 10/24/07
WORLD SERIES, SUPER BOWL, TO BE OUT-SOURCED IN '08; TORRE VOWS NOT TO GO TO INDIA; KANSAS CITY CLINCHES PLAYOFF BERTH
From the Berkeley, California, EAST BAY EXPRESS, 10/25/07
PLEBICITE APPROVES SECESSION! NEW MILITIA REVOLTS, REFUSES TO BEAR ARMS; STATE FLAG TO BE CIRCULAR, MADE FROM LETTUCE LEAVES; MARIJUANA DECLARED OFFICIAL CITY HERB
From the Gadsen, Alabama, TIMES, 10/25/07
CITY, COUNTY VOTE TO SECEED FROM UNION; CONFEDERATE FLAG RESTORED; ALL CITIZENS ORDERED TO BEAR ARMS; WAR DECLARED ON CITY OF BERKELY, COUNCIL MEMBERS HUNT MAP, FORTY PICKUPS
From the NEW YORK TIMES, 10/25/07
CHENEY, WITH ENTIRE NATIONAL GUARD IN IRAQ, SYRIA, IMPORTS DANISH MERCENARY TROOPS TO D.C. AS MILLIONS CONVERGE FOR WASHINGTON PROTESTS; LIEBERMAN OFFERS SEVERAL DOZEN TIMES TO CALM CROWDS AND UNITE NATION
From the Elgin, Iowa, ECHO, 10/25/07
HARVEST CONTINUES; ANTIQUE TRACTOR PARADE CANCELLED; TOWN DEMOCRAT ARRESTED... harvest continues; antique tractor parade cancelled; town democrat arrested...
From the NEW YORK POST, 10/26/07
CHENEY DIES FROM MASSIVE HEART ATTACK! FALWELL SWORN IN AS 45TH PRESIDENT, THREATENS PROTESTERS WITH 'NUCLEAR OPTION', RENAMES COUNTRY 'UNITED STATES FOR CHRIST' LIEBERMAN VOWS TO WORK WITH FALWELL TO UNITE NATION!
From one of three million protestors in Washington on 10/26/07 as she was being arrested, as quoted in NEWSWEEK, 10/31/07
"Holy shit, Toto. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore...."
NEXT: THE HISTORICAL RECORD
posted by cliff michaels at 9:10 PM
1 Comments:
I make sure to not read every all black blog and leave a worthless comment like this one.
Oh and you are not funny, much like me.
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